Here we go!

Disclaimer: I have a potty mouth at times. It's usually not too bad, but do not read this blog if you have a problem with profanity. I will not censor myself any more.

I have been trying to lose weight for years. The lowest I've been in the past 7 or so years has been about 170. The highest (non-pregnant) weight has been 230. Right now? About 211. My goal is 150. That's 61 lbs. A lot. But I'm going to do it this time. What's so different about it?

Me.

My attitude, that is. I'll get more into it later, but I've been really down on myself for the past 4 years. There's a story there, but I'll just say that I wasn't a very nice person. To myself, or to others. But I'm changing that. I tell myself that I'm beautiful. I tell my girls that they're beautiful too. I tell my husband that I love him at least a few times a day, and I work hard to see the happy in things. Some of these things are easier than others, but I make sure to do them all. I especially watch what I say to myself. I stopped believing anything good about myself for a long time. If I tried to give myself any kind of pep talk, that (VERY strong) part of me that was down would come out and make sure I knew that I wasn't good. I was ugly. I was fat. I was stupid.

But I have become a fighter. That bitch shows up and I slap her down. She will not have ultimate power over me any more. I know there will be days that she will win, but she will NOT take over my life. I have lost too much because of her. I don't accept that anymore. I AM beautiful. I AM smart. And yes, I am obese right now, but that is me no longer. I am working to let my healthy person out again, because she's been locked up too long. I have 100% support from my husband (who is even willing to eat vegetarian, a huge step for him!). Together we are going to work to make sure that our bodies allow us to see our grandkids, because at the rate we are going, that is not going to happen.

So stay tuned for my trials and successes!